Sir Mandy Mandorallen is in critical condition at Aardwolf Hospital after an upset immortal roasted his toes for twelve continuous hours.

Poker IMM Xantcha, unhappy with the delay of Gaardian's next issue, spent several fruitless weeks goading our Editor-in-Chief into action. Fed up with the flippant attitude he was given, Xantcha took decisive action when he hung Mandorallen by his toes, and then proceeded to flame-torch the poor soul.

 

This startling chain of events was not entirely unforeseen. Mandorallen claimed he received plenty of indications over the period of several days, but took none of them seriously. An exasperated Xantcha remarked earlier last week: "Of course, I could always amuse myself by hanging insolent Gaardian Editors-in-Chief by their toes." Unfortunately, his words fell on deaf ears as the Editor-in-Chief was taking a very long restroom break after having drunk thirteen cups of coffee that morning.

 

All of Xantcha's further attempts to convey his frustration at the lack of amusing reading material failed miserably. A lag-riddled night that could have only been caused by scrumptious sandwiches further added to Xantcha's growing fury. "There was definitely something cheesy about it," commented the irritated immortal.

 

Later that evening, unable to restrain himself any further, Xantcha blurted out: "You'll find yourself roasting over a flame hanging by your toes!"

 

When asked how he would respond, the Editor-in-Chief casually replied, "Xantcha? Why, he's mostly harmless! Definitely not evil at all. You're all overreacting. Here, have some more coffee."

 

Mandorallen, unmoved by the threats, was shocked when he was abruptly taken from his Aard Estates manor and hung by his toes early Saturday morning.

 

When asked about his experience after the whole ordeal was over, the Editor replied: "It was all mildly unpleasant. If I knew I had to stay there all day long, I would have eaten some breakfast before I left."

 

"At least I finally got rid of my warts," he added.

 

Having been given a brief inspection by a veterinarian from Aard Zoo, Sir Mandorallen is expected to make a complete recovery in time for the next edition.