The Gaardian - New Year's 2006 Spectacular

Last evening, authorities received a complaint from a private residence. Shortly after authorities made an arrest for assault. That evening, a blind and deaf man had apparently been partying with Ivar. (Which Ivar denies blankly with the statement that he wouldn't be seen with that man even if there was just one really dull woman left on the continents.) Intoxicated as he was, he crept into the neighbour's doghouse to sleep. The inhabitant of the house was of course furious and very frightened and therefore bit the intruder as hard as dog-ly possible.

The man screamed in pain and ran over to a nearby tree where he fainted with pain and fright. The man's relatives quickly came to his aid and also called the authorities who took the dog with them. The dog was later released because evidence was lacking.

The man's family has now made a petition to come to the aid of their poor father and husband who was so deeply traumatized by the event. The family wishes for the dog to be punished severely for its brutal assault on the poor blind and deaf man.