Welcome back, friends! Please join me as we take a trip to the land of Foolish Promises. Sounds like it was made for me and my first wife! Ho, that was not a good memory to start on. Here’s a question : why is there no place to buy pets in Giant’s Pet Store? And who is this Giant, anyway? Well, we’re not going there today, but I think we may need to do some investigatin’ into that mystery another time.

First thing you see when you get there is this ship captain and the Devil himself. You know you’re in for a good ride with that set up, right? Good versus Evil, White against Black, Gaardians against Bards. Epic! Can’t wait to see what happens next! Kind of like when you throw everything into the stew whether it sounds good or not, from tomatoes and zucchini, to cheddar cheese and slow-roasted pork, and a little of this, a little of that, and then cook it all together and get ready to taste it…. *mmph* Er, sorry, had to take a little snack break. *burp*

Sad to say, you just take a walk into town and find it crawling with townsmen and sailors and, well, helloooo Nurse! What’s that? You want me to come over and look in your wagon and sample your wares? Well, don’t mind if I do! Wait a minute, what kind of goods are you selling? Melons? *whap*

Fine, Gaardians against Bards. Epic!fine, don’t handle the goods unless I’m paying, alright, already. Sheesh. I thought she was offering me a little taste of her fruit, maybe a little sweet dip of honey or a roll in some sugar, or patting some dough, or spreading some butter on her buns. What, too far, you say? Ha! Not far enough, not nearly!

You people and your polite correctly. In my day, we told a woman how she looked and she liked it! You could walk right up, plant a smacker on those lips and if she didn’t like it… well, of course she liked it! And she asked for another! You would too.

My editor is giving me the evil eye, so I guess I’d better get back to my duties. After the town part you end up in an endless sea of well, seas, with zombies and skeletons and the devil, and Captain VanDeckererson or whatever and then you wish YOU were dead because you are so tired of wandering about these lonely seas, like a lonely bird looking for a perch, or a bear in the forest waiting for a tree to fall so he can document whether it makes a sound or poops, or the Pope appears, or that time I got lost in New Thalos trying to find a bathroom, or a, um… you know what, I think I’ll end on a high note here and recommend you all take your own look at Foolish Promises. I Promise you it will be memorable!