(20th December, 2002) - Rundvelt

Aardwolf has recently been buzzing over the latest announcement from an unnamed source that clan applications will be accepted at the start of the new year, 2004.

"I'm excited!" said Fairchild, a supernewbie that has only 50 hours online. "Finally, I'll fulfill my dream of creating a lesbian clan, so I can emote sex with other males pretending to be female."

When asked about clan theme, she refused to speculate on what the tone of the emotes would be. "That's for the members to decide. Of course, one of the major factors in getting into my clan is that you have to petition for the cuntmunch social to be reinstated."

Fairchild seemed undaunted that her clan theme seemed vaguely similar to an existing clan in aardwolf.

"Those rainforest chicks can do what they want, we'll do what we want. I'm positive that most of the male imms will back this clan. I mean, who doesn't like seeing chicks kiss?"

I recently met up with Dr. Drewlin, a member of the pumice library, to discuss the clan applications. He agreed only to speak with me, as long as I don't poke around his personal research.

"It's really quite interesting!" exclaimed Drewlin, even before I had a chance to ask my question. "It seems that the number of clan applications submitted by a group of people is inversly proportional to the number of online hours the player holds."

When I asked why he believed this, Drewlin became sort of agitated...

"Look at the data! We have newbies coming out of the woodwork applying for clans, selling their trivia points for a shot at the "l337 dudes" or the "Super boner 69" clan. Quite frankly I don't know how the immortals put up with it!"

I would have talked with Drewlin longer, unfortunatly, he died in combat to a newbie who was oddly chanting "Super boner 4 evah!"

After declining his invitation to his clan, I tried to verify Drewlin's findings. I placed the comment "So, anyone here want to make a clan?" on gossip, noble and immtalk. And the findings were quite astounding...

Here are some exerpts from the gossip channel.
MaulClaw gossips 'wat r a clan?"
Cinarak gossips 'i r recruited for super boner clan'
Vladia gossips 'Watch your language Cinarak.'
Cinarak gossips 'boner aint bad. shit.'
Vladia gossips 'Maul, type help clan.'
MaulClaw gossips 'l33t. I make awesome fighters clan.
Nape gossips 'u r stealing my name. immz plz nuke him'
(Curse) Cinarak: why r cant i talk on gosip ne more?

This went on for some time. At the end, I totalled 46 newbies who wanted to make a clan. 31 of them only learning what a clan was through this discussion.

Noble was slightly more articulate, and only 1 person responded to my question.
Genesis nobletalks 'Yes, I'm gonna make a clan, but it's sorta secret. Can't tell anyone."
But upon prodding, the noble revealed his secret theme...

"I'm basing it off of Bard, except all our open clan halls are pk. And that our eq is rotdeath. Then people will have to buy alot of our eq. It's called Bard's bloodied skin flutes."
Imm channel provied no players interested in making a clan.

So, how do Imms pick the clans that are actually accepted?

An Imm provided me with some information, provided that his identity would not be published.

"Depends on how I'm feeling." said the reluctant Imm. "Sometimes, I just write names on business cards and throw them across the room. Whichever one goes the furthest gets my vote."